I just recently finished coaching my daughter's soccer team. I'll admit I wasn't going in blind, I coached her Spring league last year so I at least had that under my belt. Although what a difference a season can make! When I say that I mean last season the kids were a little older, most of them already having played the previous Fall. But this season, coaching 4,5 and 6 year olds (most of which had never played before), was certainly an...experience.
Since my husband usually worked the night shift on Friday I would have to bring my whole brood to the games on Saturday morning. I will give you a play by play of my typical experience with that whole mess:
"We arrive at the field, FINALLY, because Alex (my stepson) 'Didn't want to go to a stupid boring soccer game' and had to be dragged out the door..yes, me dragging and almost 9 year old boy kicking and screaming and stuffing him in my car! And of course we can't forget that in the mean time Luke has sat in Jaid's car seat and even though they are basically the same thing, the princess cannot allow such an atrocity to take place. So they are slap fighting over me while I'm wrestling Alex into the middle seat belt. After hauling Luke out of Jaid's seat, football carrying his squirming body to the other side of the car, buckling him in and sitting in my own seat, I hear "Mommy, you didn't buckle me", come out of Jaid's mouth (in her typical "tudalicious" tone). I want to say "Are you freaking kidding me? Your six years old, stop being such a baby and buckle yourself." But none of us wants to hear the cry fest that would ensue after that, so I reach around and do it myself. There you have it, what should have taken five minutes has now taken twenty.
So, YAY, we have made it to our destination! Everyone piles out of the car and runs away leaving me to carry, the two folding chairs for the boys (which they won't sit in anyway, but God forbid they don't have the option), Jaid's drink (because she always forgets to grab it), a sweatshirt for everyone, and my own bag. I go and drop those by the field and head off to get the balls and goals. This is usually where my kids once again realise I exist and all come running so they can be the one to carry the ball bag or the goals. And here comes the fight...three kids saying "gimme gimme gimme" and only two things that need to be carried. Where were you all again when we got out of the car? I could have used your hands then.
If you have ever set up a "pop up" goal you know what a health hazard it can be. Pulling one out of its bag is the same feeling of anticipation you get when awaiting a Jack-in-the-box. Never quite sure when its going to explode open because the person who used it last didn't secure it properly. So its more like, pull it out real slow and careful, and then throw it and get out of the way! By this time the other players have arrived, dug into the bag of balls, and are strategically kicking them at my head while I'm trying to post the goal to the ground. While the team we are playing against are doing cute little warm-up drills on their side of the field, we are dribbling the balls around in a chaotic mass which I just chalk up to an obstacle course and make sure that every now and then they shoot the ball at the goal. I don't want to embarrass myself by trying to be assertive when I know that at 9am, my team is waaayyyyy too hyper it even attempt to listen to me.
Now its game time! Oh wait, I forgot that I have two boys running around somewhere in the vicinity and I try to pick them out. You know, make sure they haven't killed each other. They are ALIVE!, the game can go on. So now I have three kids on the field, at least one of them whining because they wanted to play with the kid who is sitting on the sidelines, and at least one kid on the sidelines whining because they wanted to start. I have learned to IGNORE this. So the other team starts the ball, dribbles it two feet, just to have Jaid steal it, bring it down the field and score. I know I should be proud, and I am, really I am. But, after this happens five times in the first ten minutes of the game, it gets a little old. Especially because she knows she's good, doesn't want to pass the ball no matter how many times I tell her to, and on several occasions has stolen the ball from her own team mate. Oh yes, we can't forget the show boating that comes after each goal when her Dad is there. Where she runs off the field and he launches her into the air holding up the entire game. I can see it now....the kid will be 16 still running off the field so Daddy can toss her in the air. I want to crawl under a rock. Eventually I have to pull her out of the game to give the other kids a chance...on both teams.
This is usually around the time when I hear Luke screaming bloody murder because he got creamed by Alex in the game of Tackle Football I told them not to play. So they are sidelined for the remainder of their sister's game ( I knew I brought those chairs for a reason). Oops, eyes on the game coach....someone other than Jaid actually has the ball, and they are dribbling toward the wrong goal! Good thing we don't keep score. On it goes "Stop laying on the ground.", "No pushing.", "We're not doing gymnastics out here.", "That person is on your team.", "Ewwww, don't wipe your boogers on them!"(true story). And finally its over, kids scattering to their parents, just so I can gather them together again to line up and give high fives to the other team, but only after the arguing of who gets to be the leader this time.
I think I'm more exhausted than the kids are. Packing up is just as bad as unpacking. Fight over who gets to put the balls and goal away, but no one can carry our 'stuff' back to the car. Now Jaid sits in Luke's seat to "see how he likes it", Alex doesn't want to leave with out buying candy from the snack place, Luke's mad because he didn't get to play in the game. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!! I feel like having a tantrum myself, but no, I'm the grown up."
There you have it...."A day in the life" so to speak. So please, when you think your kids coach is cranky, or distracted, or just not doing a good enough job, just remember....they are doing the best they can.
I only had six kids on my team, two girls, and four boys. How do teachers do it with a room full of children?? I had one boy thinking he was playing tackle football, one boy (the biggest one I might add) afraid of the ball, one boy who spent more time laying on the ground than on his feet, and another that literally said "No." to everything I asked him to do. I did have one very sweet little girl who was the youngest on the team who did everything that was asked of her, never cried when she got ran over, and was not afraid to try to steal the ball from even the biggest of players. Now my own daughter...I will brag a little bit. She is fantastic! Really she is, she has so much potential and scored the majority of our goals. But that is when she wasn't on the sidelines crying because "Mommy was playing with the other kids." or flipping cartwheels down the field, or wanted "Uppy Mommy". Seriously?? "Uppy"?!?! I would leave wanting to pull my hair out, and then cringe because 90% of the time I was strapping the worst behaved one in the backseat of my car. That was just practice.
Since my husband usually worked the night shift on Friday I would have to bring my whole brood to the games on Saturday morning. I will give you a play by play of my typical experience with that whole mess:
"We arrive at the field, FINALLY, because Alex (my stepson) 'Didn't want to go to a stupid boring soccer game' and had to be dragged out the door..yes, me dragging and almost 9 year old boy kicking and screaming and stuffing him in my car! And of course we can't forget that in the mean time Luke has sat in Jaid's car seat and even though they are basically the same thing, the princess cannot allow such an atrocity to take place. So they are slap fighting over me while I'm wrestling Alex into the middle seat belt. After hauling Luke out of Jaid's seat, football carrying his squirming body to the other side of the car, buckling him in and sitting in my own seat, I hear "Mommy, you didn't buckle me", come out of Jaid's mouth (in her typical "tudalicious" tone). I want to say "Are you freaking kidding me? Your six years old, stop being such a baby and buckle yourself." But none of us wants to hear the cry fest that would ensue after that, so I reach around and do it myself. There you have it, what should have taken five minutes has now taken twenty.
So, YAY, we have made it to our destination! Everyone piles out of the car and runs away leaving me to carry, the two folding chairs for the boys (which they won't sit in anyway, but God forbid they don't have the option), Jaid's drink (because she always forgets to grab it), a sweatshirt for everyone, and my own bag. I go and drop those by the field and head off to get the balls and goals. This is usually where my kids once again realise I exist and all come running so they can be the one to carry the ball bag or the goals. And here comes the fight...three kids saying "gimme gimme gimme" and only two things that need to be carried. Where were you all again when we got out of the car? I could have used your hands then.
If you have ever set up a "pop up" goal you know what a health hazard it can be. Pulling one out of its bag is the same feeling of anticipation you get when awaiting a Jack-in-the-box. Never quite sure when its going to explode open because the person who used it last didn't secure it properly. So its more like, pull it out real slow and careful, and then throw it and get out of the way! By this time the other players have arrived, dug into the bag of balls, and are strategically kicking them at my head while I'm trying to post the goal to the ground. While the team we are playing against are doing cute little warm-up drills on their side of the field, we are dribbling the balls around in a chaotic mass which I just chalk up to an obstacle course and make sure that every now and then they shoot the ball at the goal. I don't want to embarrass myself by trying to be assertive when I know that at 9am, my team is waaayyyyy too hyper it even attempt to listen to me.
Now its game time! Oh wait, I forgot that I have two boys running around somewhere in the vicinity and I try to pick them out. You know, make sure they haven't killed each other. They are ALIVE!, the game can go on. So now I have three kids on the field, at least one of them whining because they wanted to play with the kid who is sitting on the sidelines, and at least one kid on the sidelines whining because they wanted to start. I have learned to IGNORE this. So the other team starts the ball, dribbles it two feet, just to have Jaid steal it, bring it down the field and score. I know I should be proud, and I am, really I am. But, after this happens five times in the first ten minutes of the game, it gets a little old. Especially because she knows she's good, doesn't want to pass the ball no matter how many times I tell her to, and on several occasions has stolen the ball from her own team mate. Oh yes, we can't forget the show boating that comes after each goal when her Dad is there. Where she runs off the field and he launches her into the air holding up the entire game. I can see it now....the kid will be 16 still running off the field so Daddy can toss her in the air. I want to crawl under a rock. Eventually I have to pull her out of the game to give the other kids a chance...on both teams.
This is usually around the time when I hear Luke screaming bloody murder because he got creamed by Alex in the game of Tackle Football I told them not to play. So they are sidelined for the remainder of their sister's game ( I knew I brought those chairs for a reason). Oops, eyes on the game coach....someone other than Jaid actually has the ball, and they are dribbling toward the wrong goal! Good thing we don't keep score. On it goes "Stop laying on the ground.", "No pushing.", "We're not doing gymnastics out here.", "That person is on your team.", "Ewwww, don't wipe your boogers on them!"(true story). And finally its over, kids scattering to their parents, just so I can gather them together again to line up and give high fives to the other team, but only after the arguing of who gets to be the leader this time.
There you have it...."A day in the life" so to speak. So please, when you think your kids coach is cranky, or distracted, or just not doing a good enough job, just remember....they are doing the best they can.
