Cutting the Cord

My baby boy is growing up.  Now when I say "baby" I use the term loosely, as he will be four in May.  But there is just something about letting the last one go that I am totally unprepared for.  Perhaps it's because as I am making the final curtain call on my baby days, my closest friends are just entering theirs.  Or maybe its the feeling of no longer being completely depended upon, or even the thoughts that time is just going by too quickly.

With my daughter, I rushed her through her baby days after my son was born.  I didn't have the time or the patience for two kids under two and thats just what I had.  By the age of 2 1/2 Jaid was dressing herself with little help and just about potty trained.  She walked on her own two feet when we went places, had to ride in the back of the shopping cart, and I often asked her to help me out with small tasks.  When bold, she was put in Time Out and forced to sit at the dinner table until her vegetables were gone.  But she was happy being the "Big Girl" and liked to do big girl things. 

Luke, well lets just say he has gotten to be a "baby" alot longer.  Being the youngest, both my husband and myself have always gone easiest on him, didn't expect as much, or push him as hard.  To say he is spoiled would be an understatement.  Looking back I realize this has hindered him far more than helped him.  He just recently finished his potty training, still has no clue on how to dress himself and no desire to learn, throws a tantrum at dinner time when there isn't something he likes on his plate, and usually doesn't get punished until he's on his third "last chance".  So for my own selfish reasons I have been, in fact, harming my child by not preparing him for the real world.

This must change and slowly I have been taking the steps to let him go as a baby, because if I really admit it to myself, he has even surpassed the toddler stage.  It's time I "cut the cord" so to speak.  He is completely capable of putting on his own shoes, he does not need me to carry him through the parking lot, and no matter how much he cries and carries on cookies are not a suitable breakfast food.  Just because he will always be MY baby, doesn't mean he has to BE a baby.  So as I say goodbye to my last "Little One" I will embrace the Big Boy who will emerge in his place.  There are many more wonderful milestones still to come, and I will enjoy everyone of them.



I've Let It All Go

I woke up Monday morning feeling refreshed.  Tuesday I felt light as a feather.  Today, as though each breath was fresh spring air.  I couldn't figure it out, couldn't quite put my finger on it, until just now.  I realized that I have let it all go.

When I say this, I mean I have finally stopped living in the past.  I realized that I had been walking through life only half in the game, longing everyday to take back those "missed opportunities", and "could have beens".  But who says that it ever "could have been"?  Who says that if I had taken a different path in life somehow it would have turned out perfect.  I could be living a completely different life and wishing for the things I have now.  Three happy healthy kids, a husband who (although has his faults) adores me, a faithful family dog, a house with a yard...hell, I even have a white picket fence!  These things don't come to everyone, some would even say that I am living the "American Dream", and yet somehow, someone as unappreciative as myself, ended up with this life. 

 I am seeing my life through new eyes which, I know, is such a cliche, but that's the only way I can describe it.  I don't know how it happened, or exactly when it happened, but I am so glad it did.  I am the only one who has been making me miserable.  Don't get me wrong I have always loved my children and husband, but I was ignorant enough to think that my life wasn't good enough.  I my not have seen all the things I have wanted to see or done all the thing I have wanted to do, but who has?  I'm only 28, I'm not dead!  I can still go out and have my adventures, only I will be able to share them with those I hold so dear....my family. 

So now that I have this new outlook, this wonderful feeling of rebirth, what will I do with it?  I will bask in it, I will share it, I will put forth my efforts on the here and now.  The is past is gone, it cannot be changed, only learned from.   There aren't any "could have beens", not anymore, not for me.  Changing my past regrets doesn't mean that I wouldn't have made new regrets.  I am sure in the future I will still make mistakes, have new trials to over come, and yes regret some of my decisions.  But for now, I am going to enjoy the present, let the past be the past, and just let it all go.