An Angel Walks Among Us

At first glance she is no more significant than any other little old woman you would pass on the street, sit next to at church, or see pushing a shopping cart at the grocery store.  She is barely five feet tall, her spine was curved long ago by age, and her once long dark hair has been replaced by a short, curly, salt and pepper puff. It is when you look beyond that, into the very being of this woman, that you see the beautiful soul that resides within my Grandmother.

When I think back on my childhood, my most prominent memories are of being at my Grandparent's house.  This is probably because since I was six weeks old I, along with my older sister, were entrusted to their care while our parents were at work.  How much fun we would have playing in the enclosed yard, on the swingset that was put up just for us, or making castles in the sandbox.  My Grandma used to wake up early to pick the dandelion flowers that grew in the grass, just to keep the honey bees, and any chance of their sting, as far away as possible.  I remember her spending entire afternoons pushing us on the swing while singing to us.

My favorite was always:  "Daisey, Daisey, give me your answer true,
                                        I'm half crazy, all for the love of you,
                                        I can't afford a carriage,
                                        It won't be a stylish marriage,
                                        But you'll look sweet, upon the seat,
                                        Of a bicycle built for two."

I loved it so much, I used to sing it as a lullaby to my children when they were babies. It's funny the memories of her that seem to stick with me the most.  An overheard clipped phrase "...but, ummmm....", the endless wringing of hands that worrying brings, and even the way she still says "hello" on the telephone, as though every call will bring bad news.

All through my life I have looked to her to be my moral compass.  I often ask myself "Could I face my Grandma if she knew that I had done that."  And although I have lived my life far from perfect, she has never judged me, or cast me out.  Even when I told her, for the second time, I was having a child "out of wedlock", she simply smiled and said, "Babies are a blessing from God."  But I must make note of how happy she was when I finally made an honest woman of myself, (of course big Catholic Church style, because she wouldn't of had it any other way!)

Now at the age of 84, her body and mind are slowing giving out.  She can still be found cooking lunch, doing dishes, & sweeping floors, but I dread the day the warmth she brings into a room, is no longer.  She is the Grandmother that taught me how to read, how to swim, how to bake, how to BE.  Who at any point in time would take in her grandkids if a babysitter was needed, even on short notice. She is the mother that raised 5 children.  The Wife that has been devoted to her husband for the past 61 years.  The sister to eight other sisters.  The daughter of a poor farming couple, and the neighbor that would pull up a chair and invite you in if you showed up unannounced at dinner time.  The very makeup of an Angel incarnate, and I truly believe this world has been made a better place for having her in it.

My Grandma and I at my wedding 2010

The Sisters I've Gathered Along the Way

" I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world."
        -Thomas Edison

I have heard it said that you are lucky in life if you have one true friend.  In my case I have been blessed in spades with five.  I  met my first best friend Sarah when I was 6 yrs old and we were in the same first grade class.  I remember in Kindergarden the year before, I saw her once and thought, "I want to be her friend."  So as fate would have it, that's exactly what happened. 

Next came Jessica in 2nd grade.  Although we were friends right away, our friendship didn't last beyond that year because we were never again in the same elementary class. But I had stayed good friends with Sarah, who was good friends with Jessica, so we were brought back together in middle school where we also all played soccer together.  In 9th grade I meet best friends number 3 and 4.  Ryan and Jenna went to the private Catholic School in our town, but it only went up to 8th grade.  Sarah also knew them from outside of school so they were added into our small group of friends.  In 11th grade our circle become complete when Colleen joined. She had moved to our town a couple years earlier but it wasn't until that year that we really got to know her.

Sarah, Jessica, and I with our dates before our 8th grade formal.

Growing up in a town as small as ours put quite a rigid social structure in our highschool.  We were part of the privileged few to be at the top.  Colleen was even Prom Queen, the rest of us were on Prom Court.  I used to think things like this were all that mattered, but looking back now, I know it was all silly nonsense that had no bearing on who we become in the future. 

                                   Jessica, Me, and Jenna with our dates before Junior Prom.

After graduation we all took a road trip together to Wildwood, NJ.  It was our first taste of freedom, and we had a real sense of being on our own.  Of course we had a blast.  It was so much fun that we took a second trip after our first year of college, this time to Ocean City, MD.  It wasn't the same though, we still had fun but Ryan couldn't go and it sort of felt like we were incomplete without her.  We started to drift apart as distance and time took its toll, all getting together maybe a few times a year.  We were always there for each other though.  Through every heart break, family problem, death of friend or loved one, I could always count on my "sisters" to help put the pieces back together.

                                                  "The good ol days" Getting together in Plattsburg.
        Back row: Colleen, Sarah, Jenna,  Front Row:Me, Ryan, Jessica, (Sarah and Jessica's friend from college on the end)

Halloween 2008

Back Row: Sarah, Jenna, Colleen,  Front Row: Jessica, Ryan, Me

Now the years of living in the moment, have turned into planning for our futures.  Boyfriends have turned into husbands, couples have turned into familes, and jobs have turned into careers. We all seem to have come back to this small town we grew up in, or at least visit it frequently.  Maybe its because no matter how small it seemed when we were growing up, in the end its what kept us together.  When we get together now for our "girl time" its no longer filled with conversations of, who is dating who, OH MY GOD...she said what!?!, and where the next keg party is going to be.  Our children play in the background and a baby is bounced on a knee, as we talk about how fast our lives got to this point, who is having the next baby, and what a good career move might be.

Ryan's Bachelorette Party 2011

Jenna, Colleen, Sarah, Ryan, Jessica, Me

Sarah's Bridal Shower 2011

Back Row:Jenna, Sarah, Colleen  Front Row:Ryan, Jessica, Me

This, I think, is the embodiment of true friendship.  We have been with each other every step of the way.  We know each other inside and out...every flaw, every failure, but more importantly every virture, and every success.  In the future I see us still getting together, laughing over our years of memories, and how our children are turning into the brats we used to be.  As I look at my young daughter just starting to make friends in her kindergarden class, I hope for nothing more than for her to end up with a group of friends like mine.  True "Life Mates".

My Wedding day 2010

Sarah, Ryan, Olivia(my niece), Mandy(my sister), Me, Jessica, Jenna, Colleen, Jaid(my daughter) in front.

My First Puppy!!

All my life I have wanted a pet of my very own.  My mother on the other hand, distained animals of any kind.  My grandparents (and next door neighbors) always kept a cat and a dog and said they belonged to all of their grandchildren, but it just wasn't the same. As children my sister and I would catch giant house flys and keep them in shoe boxes.  They had all the comforts of home of course, a little piece of cloth for a bed, one soda cap full of water and another full of crushed up crackers.  I know what you are thinking, "eww gross"....and yes, looking back on it, I have to agree.

After the flies we moved onto tadpoles and frogs, but they were harder to feed and we usually let them go after a day or two for fear of starvation.  Then there were the few times we plucked a nest full of baby birds from a tree convinced that they were abandoned, and it was now our job to take care of them.  Many tears and dead baby birds later, we realized that probably wasn't the best idea.  Baby birds couldn't live off of "Cream of Wheat" and no matter how many old socks we bundled them with, they weren't warm enough.  The real score was when at 12, I was allowed to have a turtle!  I named him Colby James and thought he was the best thing ever.  The downfall was that my mom thought he was gross and stinky and made him live in the basment.  The basement was far too cold for him and he never really did anything other than sit on his rock.  I let him go in a pond by my house a few months after I got him because I thought he would be happier.

My first real pet was a kitten I rescued from the Humane Society.  I got him when I was living in my little studio apartment in Albany.  I had him for about 3 days when he started getting sick.  Being young and never really having pets I just thought he would get over it.  I took him back to the Humane Society a week later because he was having trouble breathing.  They ended up having to put him down because he turned out to be really sick.  So as you can see my track record with pets hasn't been very good thus far.

After my husband and I got our house we knew we wanted a dog.  I wanted one not only for myself but for my kids as well.  I wanted them to have what I wasn't allowed to have as a child.  The thing was, I didn't want just any dog.  I wanted a GIANT dog.  I researched all the large dog breeds and came up with the Newfoundland as being the best match for our family.  So in August of this past summer we became the proud parents of our little furbaby Cano. 

He came all the way from Texas and his flight was delayed 3 hrs.  We anxiously awaited his arrival at the airport and when we finally saw him it was love at first sight.  My husband and I were like new parents all over again, fussing over him and mauling him with our love all at the same time.  He settled in with us quite nicely and after a few weeks of waking up every few hours to let him out to "do his business" he was potty trained.
                                     
Cano really is the perfect dog.  At only 7 months old he stands up to my hip and weighs about 85lbs, and he's still growing!  He loves the kids, will not let them go anywhere without him, and even thinks he has to protect them from Daddy when they are being tickle tortured.  Unfortunately, he has absolutley no idea how big he is.  He would climb up in my lap if I let him, and yes, he tries several times a night.  When he wants to play, he brings over one of his toys and drops it, along with a glob of slobber, in your lap.

As I sit here writing this, I am thinking about the tumble weeds of hair rolling across the floors of my house.  How I will never again be able to wear a pair of socks around without stepping in a puddle of drool or keep the covers off of my new sectional.  But I am ok with that, because I finally have MY pet....I mean we have OUR pet.

The Back Story

(We have all heard the saying "Those that can't do, teach."  In my case it has always been more like "Those that can't do, dream.")

I grew up in a small town in upstate NY.  Now when I say small town, I mean I graduated with a class of 86 students.  I started Kindergarden in the same building I finished High School.  There is one traffic light, two blinking lights, a small grocery store, and, I must proudly say, a McDonalds.  In this town you could either live in the "Village" or in the "Boonies", and yes you guessed it, I was from the boonies. The road that I lived on, Yager Road, was named after my grandparents who also lived on that road, and still do.  My closest neighbors were various aunts and uncles and therefore, by default, my best friends were my sister and my cousins.

When I was a child this life didn't bother me, I didn't know any different.  To me, summers meant spending the day swimming in Grandma's pool, building forts with my cousins and sister in the woods, exploring the acres upon acres of fields, brush, and creeks, and helping in the garden.  As winter encroached our activities turned to iceskating on nearby ponds or sleighing down hills a quarter mile long.   Growing older I started to loath this life, to hate every bit of it.  Summers began to mean not existing to my friends any more because I lived too far away to walk.  Winters meant never seeing the light of day unless I was in school or on a bus.

I often found myself escaping to a world that I created through inspirations in Seventeen Magazine and young adult novels.  I vowed that I would be "someone", do something "important"and most of all be "famous"!  I wanted to be a fashion designer, an actress, a doctor.  I had big dreams and big aspirations, but most importantly I wanted to GET OUT.  I didn't want to be a statistic that was swallowed up by a dying town.

Instead of going to college at FIT in Manhattan like I had dreamed, I went to SUNY Oneonta instead.  My mom just wouldn't dream of sending her all too sheltered daughter off to the big city all alone.  So I rebelled against her, partied way too much, and almost failed out of college.  At that point my mom thought it would be best to live at home and go to community college.  Of course I wouldn't dream of moving back to small town life(that would be the logical thing to do).  Instead I got my own one room apartment in Albany, worked at a sleezy hotel full time, and went to night school full time. 

Life went on that way for a few years.  I didn't get to see my friends as much as I would have liked, they were all away at college.  I envied them, but I felt I had missed my opportunity for that and it was time to move on to what came next.  After my plan of instant stardom failed, I went to the next thing on my list:  Marriage, a house, a family (yes I think I forgot that I would need a career to support any of that).  At 21 though I was naive and latched onto the first serious relationship I had outside of highschool.  Even though there was every sign it wouldn't work out, I felt that I had wasted too much of my life (1 1/2 yrs) to call it quits.  So at 22, unmarried, in a miserable relationship with an abusive man, I had my daughter.
                                                     
That was the first time in my life I realized what my mom had been talking about.  The first time that I truely knew what it meant to want to keep close and protect what you valued most in the world.  When my daughter was five months old I made another life changing decision that for once wasn't fueled by a need for acceptance, love, or popularity.  I left my daughter's father so she didn't grow up thinking that what her father and I had was what a family was suppose to be like, and I moved back in with my mom.

I was back where I had started, but I now had a new lease on life so to speak.  Soon after, I met the man that is now my husband.  He loves my daughter like she is his own, just like I love his son who he brought with him to our relationship.  Together we had our youngest son, got married, and bought our first house (in the same tiny town I grew up in of all places).  But what my experieces so far have taught me that life is what you make it no matter where you are or what you do.  I may not be famous to the world, but to my kids and my husband I am, and in the end thats all that matters.

This is my first blog.  It has been something I have wanted to do for a long time. So hopefully as you read on through my future posts you will see the lessons I have learned thus far and the ones that are yet to come!